Measured Words (Day 17)

This is the first verse that says anything about this woman talking. That should tell us something. This is not a woman who talks too much. She’s not known for her talking.

There are other qualities that she’s known for—her servant’s heart, her compassion, her tenderness, her diligence—but when people think of this woman, it’s not what she talks about that’s the first thing that comes to mind. “She opens her mouth with wisdom, And on her tongue is the law of kindness.” 

If a guest comes into my home and spills some liquid soap on the carpet, or whatever, and they’re feeling very terrible about doing it, I’m just, “Don’t worry about it. It’s no problem.”

Let somebody in my home or in my workplace or somebody that I’m close to get into my space or annoy me or do something that I find—that bothers me—and I’m going to be quicker to point it out, quicker to be critical, quicker to speak words that are not wise or kind. This is a verse that we’re probably quicker to apply outside our homes than we are in the place where it matters most, and that’s where we live every day.

Go back to this verse over and over and over again and say, “Lord, make me the kind of woman who opens my mouth with wisdom and on my tongue is the law or the teaching of kindness.”

Now this requires . . . To be this kind of woman, it requires self-control. Our problem is that so often we don’t have self-control, so we just say whatever we think. Especially when we’re with people that we know really well, we just let down our hair, and we’re not so conscious about what we’re saying. We live in a day and age where it’s encouraged to just be open; just be authentic; just say your feelings.

Listen, the fact that you think it or that you feel it doesn’t necessarily mean that you should say it. Now, I’m not promoting dishonesty. I’m not promoting hypocrisy, but I’m saying there are some things I feel that I don’t need to say.

“She opens her mouth.” It’s a sense that she does this deliberately. She opens her mouth when she has something to say that needs to be said. She’s a woman who speaks words that are measured. They’re thought through before she says them. Her mouth isn’t always open.

Now if we’re going to be women who speak with wisdom and kindness, that means we have to have a wise, kind heart because our words reflect our hearts. You don’t just wake up one morning and have a wise, kind heart. That has to be cultivated. It has to be tended. It has to be developed.

It reflects my heart, so if I want my words to be different, I need to say, “Lord, I need a different heart. I need You to change my heart.” That may require repentance. It may mean acknowledging first to the Lord and then to your husband, to your children, “I’ve not had words that are wise and kind, and it’s been a reflection of a heart that’s angry or impatient. Please forgive me,” and allowing the Lord to change you.

He can, and He will give you that kind of heart. It doesn’t come overnight, but as we allow Him to mold us and shape us and change our hearts, then what comes out of our mouths will reflect the repentant, kind, wise heart that God has put in us.

 If you can step back from the situation and get God’s perspective on it, then you can be controlled by the Spirit of God. You don’t have to be lashing out. You don’t have to be angry.

You don’t have to be saying things you’ll wish you hadn’t said because you’re under the control of God’s Spirit. That’s why it’s so important that before we start our day, before we open our mouths to speak to others, that we first get into God’s presence and let His Word come into our hearts, into our minds, so that when we open our mouths to speak, what we say will be controlled by what’s filling us, which is the Word and the Spirit of God.

 “The LORD gives wisdom; from His mouth come knowledge and understanding,” Proverbs chapter two (verse 6).

You want to be able to have wisdom to speak to others? Then you’ve got to get into this Book and get this Book into you so that you know how to speak a godly word in due season. You know how to speak words that will minister grace to the hearer and will minister to the need of the moment.

If you want words that are kind, you need to be filled with the Holy Spirit. What’s the fruit of the Spirit?—love, joy, peace, long-suffering, kindness.

His Holy Spirit lives inside of you, so He’s able in those moments to give you a response that is one of kindness.

Now let me say as I said before in other sessions, that doesn’t mean you’ll never blow it. You will blow it. I blow it. Now the problem is, once we’ve said it, we’ve said it; but having said it, go back and make it right.

Go back to the Lord and say, “Please forgive me. That wasn’t kind. That wasn’t wise. That wasn’t true. That wasn’t necessary,” whatever is the principle of God’s Word you violated, and then if you’ve said it to someone else, whether it’s your mate or your children or a fellow-worker or somebody at church, go back and make it right. – Humble yourself. you’ll find, if you humble yourself every time you sin with your mouth, you’ll start to sin less frequently with your mouth. Stop before your speak. Think and edit before you speak. That may just mean saying less.

 “Lord, fill me with Your Spirit afresh. Give me words of wisdom to speak."

By the way, I just referenced the way that we say what we say. Especially in our homes, that tone of voice is really important. Kindness is not just what you say. It’s how you say it.

The danger with speaking too quickly is that oftentimes we speak out of the anger of the moment, the irritation of the moment, without stopping to let God first settle our hearts. 

“Sarah made it her rule to speak well of all so far as she could, with truth and justice to herself and others. She was not prone to dwell with delight on the imperfections and failings of any, and when she heard other people speaking ill of others, she would say what she thought she could with truth and justice in their excuse or divert the slander by mentioning those things that were commendable in them.”

“Thus, she was careful of everyone’s character, even of those who injured and spoke evil of her. She could bear injuries and reproach with great calmness, without any disposition to render evil for evil, but on the contrary, she was ready to pity and forgive those who appeared to be her enemies.”

Proverbs tells us that if you are the kind of woman who is contentious and critical with your tongue, that you will drive your family to the place where they would rather live on the roof or in an attic or out in a desert by themselves than to live in the same house with you.

I’ve been reading through the book of Proverbs recently, and this thing about contentious women has really been striking me—argumentative women, always debating, always arguing, not opening their mouth with wisdom and with kindness. You can drive your husband and your children and your friends away if you have that kind of spirit and that kind of tongue, so before you speak, ask yourself, “Is what I’m about to say wise? Is it worth saying? Does it need to be said? Will it edify? Will it build up? if it doesn’t meet those qualifications, if it’s not wise, if it’s not kind, don’t say it. Don’t say it.